The Cincinnati Bengals have upgraded their stripes. Well, so we’re told.

With the 2021 less than two weeks away, the Cincinnati Bengals, who I am told have definitely not been relegated to the CFL, have opted for an upgrade. And no, I am not referring to the long-overdue firing of Marvin Lewis nor the securing of the first overall draft pick in 2020 that was used on Joe Burrow. No, I refer to their uniform uniforms.

Yesterday, the Bengals announced new uniforms, their first redesign since 2004. Behold:

Uhh…yeahhhh….

To be honest, my exact first thought was “alright, I guess Burrow is able to actually stand on his shredded knee. That’s a positive.” As tragic as his season-ending knee injury was back in November, I’m not sure that these uniforms are much better. Like many, I had a hard time spotting the difference! So let’s see, we’ve got, uh…well…looks like some orange, and some black, and some white. Couple stripes in there. All black uni, of course. I dunno…looks ok. Let’s see what the Bengals official Twitter account has to say:

Okay, we’ve got Tide on the track, keepin’ it so clean and fresh. Some space program references. Beat from Midnight Club: Los Angeles. I like the narrator’s voice – very pleasant, not unlike Cincinnati. What else ya got, Bengals?

Cincinnati Bengals
Go Bengals Go?

OK, I’m intrigued. They definitely did stuff. There are details that I missed. If the Bengals’ coaching staff had been more focused on these sorts of details, maybe they could’ve won some games, amirite? Anything else?

Now that’s a nice touch. Ochocinco is great, and he honestly looks like he could still play. What a Cincy legend. Where the hell is T.J. Houshmandzadeh?? Maybe they just couldn’t fit his name onto the back of the new jersey so he didn’t make the photoshoot.

Let’s now check in with the Bengal faithful to see how they feel:

Ah yes…that’s more like it. Rest now, Bengal faithful, knowing full-well that this franchise has nothing but your best interests in mind and will never, ever let you down or do you wrong:

Author: Brandon Coots
Editor-in-Chief & Founder of Nerd-Nexus.com

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